So my husband rebuilds old cars. About a year ago he got a 1952 Mercury. He then pulled the motor and drive train and built this hot rod out of it. He worked really hard and built and machined most of it on his own. He is extremely proud. I told family and friends about what he was doing and there were some eye rolls, and disbelief. Some people questioned why we needed another old car, as we already have a 1960's convertible. But I got it. This is his passion, and it makes him so happy. A year later he still goes out the garage and just stares at that car and smiles. He loves everything about it, the noise in makes, the way the motor is too big to put the hood back on... I and love that he loves it. I don't love the car as much as he does. It is so loud, a bit embarrassing because everyone stares when you drive around, and we could have taken a really nice trip somewhere with what it cost. But I wouldn't trade it for anything, because of how much he loves it. This is asteya, non-stealing. How could I steal his joy from him?
I like that this yama builds upon non-violence (ahimsa) and truth (staya), because they are all intertwined. When we practice true compassion for ourselves and others, we are coming from a place of truth, and in turn we are not taking from what the the best of that relationship might be. I think most of us have someone in our lives who is a fun sucker (sounds dirty, but isn't). You know that person who when you tell them news of something exciting that is happening in your life and they either engage in one-upmanship, discount your excitement, or give a backhanded compliment? Maybe you can think of a time when you might have done this to someone (me to my husband about cars sometimes). This is stealing someone else's happiness. It does not come from a place of happiness or compassion. Usually it comes from feelings of self-doubt, jealousy, or lack of trust. When we practice compassion and being in the moment we truly can share other's joy selflessly. When we don't hold space for those around us to share their feelings we shut down genuine connection.
This lack of connection usually stems from low self esteem and constantly comparing one's self to others. In order to try and make ourselves feel better, we might tell a story that makes the ourselves look better, or maybe like we have suffered more, or we might just throw in a snide remark (must be nice to go on vacations, I can't afford that). When we constantly compare ourselves to others, we are stealing from ourselves. We will not see and honour our true amazing selves, and imagine all the things that we could be missing. When we tell ourselves that we are not in good enough shape, that we are too fat, that we are too old we miss out on amazing experiences for no real reason. When we shift your attention from others to ourselves, we are able to accomplish amazing things. Each experience builds competence, which builds confidence. Then we are able to give back to the world. If we don't know what we want, be it in relationships, work, or play, we look at what other's have and wish it was our own. By seeking our own truth and moving forward we practice asteya.
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