Take a Moment

This morning I woke up still tired. I felt completely spent. I work in a special needs preschool class and we have one week to go before the break. All of us there are exhausted, we're snapping at each other, and maybe aren't at our best. Between the craziness of the kids, and the upcoming holiday it is no wonder. As of this morning, I didn't have a tree decorated, no presents wrapped, not finished shopping, no baking done... and I could feel my list weighing heavily on me. At one point while my husband and I waltzed around each other as we made breakfast, we locked eyes and I started to cry. For no reason really, other than the pressure I was putting on myself. He gave me a hug, a long hug, and poured me a coffee and turned on the stereo.

Then this song came on:

"But you can't stop nothing if you got no control Of the thoughts in your mind that you kept in, you know

You don't know nothing but you don't need to know The wisdom's in the trees not the glass windows

You can't stop wishing if you don't let go The things that you find and you lose and you know

You keep on rolling put the moment on hold The frame's too bright so put the blinds down low and

I need this here old train to breakdown Oh, please just let me please breakdown"

Breakdown- Jack Johnson

I have been everwhere but the present moment. How many moments of laughter and joy have I let slip by the last week or so because I was living in my head and not in my life. I was going into work thinking that I was tired, and wouldn't you know, I ended up just feeling tired? I kept thinking that I wasn't getting anything done, and all I could see was a never ending to do list. Every thought I was having, I looked for things surrounding to reinforce it. And of course I could find them!

So I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and opened them up with the intention of just being here. I was sitting across from a man who loves me, with a big cup of coffee. It was a perfect morning. I tried to put my list out of my mind. When it would sneak back in I tried to see the things around me that were falling into place. Slowly then anxiety that I had been feeling for a week, started to slip away. But we got things done today, including a little nap this afternoon.

For women in particular I feel like this is the most stress inducing time of the year. We put these expectations on ourselves, and they are crazy ridiculous! Christmas always comes whether we think we are ready or not. I encourage everyone to take a moment at least once a day, if not more, over the holiday to stop and allow yourself to just be there. Let go of the list and expectations. As for me, I am going to let go of my expectations of others and myself. In yoga this is called aprarigraha.

Be present. Let go. Love.