I was litterally done this post and hit the wrong button and navigated away from the editing page and lost everything I wrote. Deep breath.
I have been working through old patterns of behaviour by facing things that in the past I have typically dealt with by ignoring. My life version of a junk drawer. Ignoring and hoping it goes away were my go to strategy for dealing with hard things for the first 40 years of my life. The worst part of it is facing the things after that I felt like I didn't want to deal with.
Example, I went to the dentist last month for the fist timen in 35 years. The worst part of it was admittin to others that I had put it off for so long (I say that becuase as of yet I still have not had my wisdom teeth removed, that could be worse). The same that I feel as things pop up is awful. I have been anxious, embarrassed, and avoiding friends because it all fees to vulnerable. This is where I am sitting. In a place where I want to face these things and deal with them, but I don't want anyone else to know about the shit show I have made for myself. Uncomfortable . So I have been avoiding showing up to others, and (to the use the phrase of a close friend) I tunnel myself to feel safe. If I close my heart to others than they can't hurt me with their judgements.
So this month we chant to Durga. I wrote a bit about Durga before here but she is showing up a bit differently for me this time. Durga represents protection and stregnth. These are the qualities I am calling on. I lead a meditation last week where we called upon our inner child to sit with us and help us through a problem, and then for that inner child to the be the one with the problem and we were to assist them. I picture Durga right now as the comforter and supporter of me and my problems. She is there to offer one of her many weapons, and her stregnth. Her name literally comes from the word for invincible. I'll take some of that. She also represents the guna tamas which is inactivity and stillness, and at the this time of the year where vatta (air and ether qualities) are everywhere we all could add some tamas in our lives.
So that is what I am summoning when. I chant to Durga this month. Groundedness. Stregnth. Steadfastness. Invincibility .
Om Dum Durgayei Namaha
You can hear me chant it 108 times here. May we all feel confident and supported. Grounded and invincible .
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