In my second instalment of brain injury and yoga, we are going to talk about the second yama, Satya or truthfulness. When I examined truthfulness a year and half ago I said this. I spoke about living from a place that was genuine for you, and for me that is compassion and joy. That is still so very true and in fact the lamp posts guiding my way through my healing have still been compassion and joy. I am more sure than ever that those are my truths. .
My understanding of truth has deepened more than I could have imagined. In the hospital I learned quickly to ask for what I needed. I think part of it was I was so sick and fragile that ego was gone. I was in survival mode. So I just asked and took what I needed. For one of the first times in my life I didn't have the worry about letting others down or the worry about what they would think. I just needed to do what I needed to do. Here's the really cool part.. IT WORKED!! People not only understood, they were happy to let me do it. Why on earth had I spent so much of my life not asking for what I needed! It made me feel better, and they felt better too. I got practice at it. I was supported. So now I ask for what I need. I TRUST that the people I love and who love me support me will understand. And I need it. Brain injury steals away some of your flexibility in life, and your ability to cope. My threshold for bullshit is very small. When something goes wrong I am very likely to fall apart, when before I had much more resiliency. My falling apart isn't permanent, and is quickly over, but it can definitely ruin an hour or so. So. Many. Tears. And that is just part of my truth now. And when you are faced with a brain injury you have relearn, or learn to understand this new truth. But that can be said of any life change, can't it?
The thing with truthfulness this, it takes so much TRUST. It is the ultimate act of love and vulnerability. It is risky. Love with others and for yourself. Sometimes you have hard truths to face about yourself. And it can be a moving target. Truth is fluid and constantly changing in your life. What was true for me a year ago may not be true anymore. And that is okay. I find that idea comforting in this time when I feel that everything is in flux. That I am not falling apart, but the truth about me and my life is changing. So find your new truth. Speak this new truth.
So I challenge you to examine your life right now. Are you in place where you feel unhappy? Does work drive you crazy? What is important to you? What is your truth right now? Can you embrace it, ask for what you need, and trust those around you to honour and support you? I said to a friend of mine a while ago that "nothing good in my life has come from doing the thing that felt safe, or not scary". And that is so true. All the important moments, the life changers, have been the most terrifying, self-doubt filled moments. So when I am scared about the future now I tell myself that I must be onto something big.
So what scares you? Can you speak your truth and ask for it? Because I believe in you. You got this.
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