We all have a default way of thinking. That proverbial glass half empty versus glass half full. But it is more than that. It is the way you have learned to cope in life, it is life long habits reinforced by the things that have happened to you. Part of it is genetics, part of it is your upbringing, part of it its he people your have surrounded yourself with. But none of it is permanent. I think that when people tell me that they are inspired by me, my attitude or way of thinking is maybe what they are referring to. When I have encountered something that has is challenging for me, I generally approach it as a new challenge. It is just more occupational therapy. It may get better, or I might get used to it, but it just is.
Here is the thing to understand, this doesn't just necessarily happen for me. I am pretty good with the concrete stuff to do with my vision. It just becomes something that I need to practice and find easier ways to do. I need to change how I use what I have now in the best way I can. That part is pretty easy for me. I don't get discouraged usually by what I now refer to as "leftcidents" when I miss something in my blind spots. I use it as a learning opportunity. But it is a much different story when it comes to my fatigue. I have a difficult time being as gentle and accepting with that as I am with my vision. Being exhausted 3 or so days out of a week still feels a bit like a failure to me. This is where the changing your mind comes into play.
The first step of this is become an observer of your own thoughts. This might look like free journalling for you all the things that you are thinking for a certain time period. It may take place in meditation where you can try and quiet your mind and let the thoughts pass. The key is to attach no judgment to what you think and just notice it. Am I blaming others? Am I angry at things which I can not change? Am I overly critical of myself or others? What thought patterns do you notice coming up for you? Be curious. In the same way that when something proves visually challenging for me, I can look at what I am thinking (and in turn that generally has a big influence on what I am feeling too) and be curious about my thoughts. Am I punishing myself for something that is just part of my brain injury? Am I attributing blame to someone for something they may not have intended? Can I be gentler with myself and others and can I move forward with compassion?
So my example is my tiredness. Friday and Sunday of this past weekend were especially tired days for me. I napped 2 hours each day, and I was disappointed in myself. I was thinking things like "you slept really well the last two nights, why are your feeling this way? You are wasting a beautiful day by napping. How long is this going to go on?" Now I wouldn't let people speak to other people that way, but I allow myself to think those things! This is where the reframing comes in. When you are aware of what you are thinking you start to catch yourself at the beginning of those thought circles. The more I practice noticing the story that I am telling myself, the faster and easier it is for me to reframe it. So instead of "why are your feeling this way" I can change it to "you must have worked your brain hard yesterday and it needs some time to rebuild and nourish the new connections that you made". When I notice that I am telling myself stories about my husband's motivation for something, which is usually when I am tired, I can reframe it as an opportunity for better communication on my part, and a chance for us to better understand each other. This also makes any relationship stronger because instead of "you don't care about me" which starts from a place of conflict, it moves it to "I am confused and need your help right now" which comes from a place of vulnerability and trust.
Reframing is a slow and gradual process, It is hard work. But it is so important and I think a necessary part of our yoga practice. A part that gets left out in much of modern yoga focusing on poses (asana).
When we are able to observe and learn about how we think (in yoga this is part of svadhyaya, or self-study, and in psychology this is called metacognition) it allows us to move closer to our best selves. It gives us the chance to show compassion towards other and ourselves without judgment. It provides the space to become witness to your own attachments and then provides the starting ground for letting go of them. Surrendering attachment brings us to towards radical acceptance. The acceptance of the stuff in life that you really don't necessarily like. But when you can accept it as it is, and it is out of your control, then can you can begin to move forward with grace. In that place we find peace and contentment.
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