So here's a story about me. When I was about 3 we lived on a cul-de-dac and all the other kids on the street at first were boys. Another little girl moved in across the street, and my over heard the boys say to me "Hey look, its a dumb girl" and I said "Yeah guys." Soon I was enrolled in dance lessons, tap and ballet. In grade 10 one of my closest friends was the guy who lived next door to me, we were the same age, went to the same school, our dads were both laid off at the same time and we were close, but only friends. On his birthday his parents were going to be out of town but told him he could have some friends over, but no girls, and they wanted to see the guest list ahead of time. So he gave the guest list and my name was on it. His parents said "we said no girls" and he replied "it isn't a girl, its Erin". I took it as a compliment.
I have always been equally comfortable with boys and girls, well maybe even more comfortable with boys. I had my few close girlfriends always, but boys were easier. Less back stabbing, name calling, fighting, and ridiculousness. You knew where you stood. I thought the same way. I loved math and science. In university I was often "the token female" when we sat around and played cards and watched science fiction movies. I had and have close female friends, but I hate shopping, doing arts and crafts, hair and make up don't interest me, and as a teenager it excluded me from many social get togethers. And I'll be honest, it didn't bother me a bit. I would way rather watch monty python and play cards any day.
So when I hear women say "that is such a male way of thinking" about things, I feel uncomfortable. In the same way people take about "autistic behaviour" like it isn't human. All autistic behaviour is HUMAN behaviour, it just might be in the wrong context, or socially unacceptable at that time. As a species we are all capable (those with severe psychological disorders excluded) of experiencing the same emotions and thoughts. Having compassion and understanding for your fellow humans means you can maybe see how someone might see the same experience different that you. When we tell ourselves that men think and feel one way and woman another, we are limiting our own understanding and ability to connect with others.
The same thing goes for the terms masculine and feminine ways of thinking or behaving. I have a son and a daughter. My son is way more likely to cry at a movie than my daughter. I love that he feels things deeply, something I handed down to him (you're welcome). I have been leaning towards using "ying and yang" rather than masculine and famine, and although they kinda mean the same thing, in English at least they don't seem to have the same connotations. Ying would be what we think of masculine energy, it is movement, focus, hot, air, daylight, and masculine, whereas Yin is slow, yielding, feminine, cool, water, earth and the moon. It is believed that yin and yang need to be balanced to be healthy and happy. One is not complete without the other.
I like this. I like the idea of balance of the opposites and that neither is correct or incorrect. They are both needed to complete a whole. Each has a little bit of the other in it. This model sets us up to understand and take points of view that may not be instinctual for us. It helps us embrace the other. That without that we are not whole. In a time where as a society we are reexamining how we see an define gender, it is more important than ever. Male and female are constructs we have used to make it easier to quickly understand the word we lived in, this is what our ego does for us. Its job is to help us quickly interact in the world. As we move towards living from the place of our soul, where we see the others we meet at souls on their own journey, this language may no longer be useful or helpful. So we can change it. That's how we grow. Last week my intention was to be okay with the yin. Our culture places a big value on setting goals, moving forward, but I knew Monday morning that I was tired, a bone crushing tired that took me 4 days to move through. The yin is just as important and valuable and the yang.
When I look at the world this way I can accept all parts of me, I can understand others who see, and communicate a little bit differently. It takes all of us to make a whole.
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