I don't believe much in resolutions. I mean really I can make empty promises to myself anytime of the year. I like to use the end of the year to count my blessings. My social media feeds have been filled with people complaining about the past year, and rejoicing in the fact that it is over. I guess I am lucky, I had a pretty great year.
In February my husband and I went to Mexico, and at 41 years old, I wore a bikini for the first time. Not because I had worked hard and lost a bunch of weight, I was still on the heavy side and a few sizes bigger than I would like to be, but because I wanted to. After sweating in Cuba and Hawaii I wanted to feel the sun on my back and the water on my body. And it was glorious. My body will never be a size 4, or 6 for that matter. I have curves, and hold on to my weight. It is just part of who I am. But my body is also strong. It runs, supports me and I can say that I am in the best shape of my life.
In June my husband and I started out on a 3 week road trip, only to turn back for home after car trouble in the first 24 hours. As we were headed out the door on attempt number two, I got a call from my dad telling me that my mother had a small stroke and was in the hospital. We postponed our trip for 5 days more, until she was home (side note: she has pretty much fully recovered and is doing great). What seemed to start out as a diaster, turned out to be the best thing that could have happened.
In August I went and completed my teacher training. This story actually starts in March when I filled out the registration form and sat feeling sick to my stomach with my finger over the send button. Literally, for about 4-5 minutes. I finally hit send and immediately regretted it. Back to August 2 when I realized I was leaving in 48 hours and had a massive freak out complete with tears and frantic texts to my best friend in another province. I am a bit of an introvert you see, how was I going to be away from home, from my husband for two weeks with a bunch of strangers who would be way younger than me, and in better shape... what if they didn't like me, what if I didn't like them, what if I got sick, what if I couldn't keep up physically... the list went on and on. August 4 my husband drove me off to summer camp like I was a kid again, and I was so nervous. The first person that I met was clearly just as nervous as I was. In about the time it took my husband to unload my bags, I felt better. I would be okay. And I was. I grew more in two weeks than I think I had in the past 5 years. I learned to see my own stregnth. Both physical and emotional. I faced things I hadn't looked at in decades. I was able to connect to people who started as strangers and left as family (if you are reading this tribe, I miss you all).
And now I am here. I have started this yoga "thing" not knowing where it will end up, not knowing if it will work out. But I do know that I am drawn to this. That is is something that I need to do. So here we are. I am so grateful for this year. I am grateful for growth, I am grateful for unexpected breakdowns, I am grateful for tears of release, and I am grateful for my family and friends.
In this year end I challenge you not to make resolutions. Not to rush out what may have been a challenging, hard year, but to look for gratitude. What can you be thankful for. Santosha, contentment, gratitude. Each of us if perfectly imperfect right now. Even you.
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