Since my brain hemorrhage summer has been the most challenging time of the year for me. Holidays and travelling make things less predictable, my anxiety and the urge to plan for every possible outcome seem to occupy my mind. A lot. In the past 3 years the mantra that my mind seems to reach for when I am in this place is the chant to Narayanaya.
Narayanaya is a form of Vishnu the presserver, and is on of the most common chants in Hindu religion. I learned it when I was taking my meditation teacher training. (At first I could not wrap my mouth around it. It came out often as "Om namo anaya blah blah". ) The Wikipedia page has lots of good information on it so you can check that out if you want more information.
But here is my take and why I think I am drawn to this every summer. When I am completely in the present moment it is easier for me to trust and surrender. The line that I tend to say to myself is "in this moment everything is as it is meant to be, all I need is this breath and the next". That stops my mind from racing and allows me to sit with what is, even if it is uncertain. Uncertainty is something we as souls in meat suits don't seem to like much. Uncertainty comes in a bazillion different forms it seems, everything from the weather to other people's choices and decisions.
When I reach for this mantra it reminds me to stop gripping to the illusion of control so much. To trust. To surrender. There is nowhere else to be, nowhere = now here. Each exhale is a surrender, a reminder to drop back into that place inside of me where I trust, even if it is just a little bit. So as I worry about making plans with all the people I think I should make plans with; inhale and release. As I try and trust that money is okay even with all the spending that seems to happen; inhale and release. When the thunderstorm is rolling in and we are not yet back at the dock; inhale and release.
If I stayed home all the time and avoided the hard things I would never grow. I think that part of the reason that my recovery has been as good as it has, especially as I talk to others who have had people who have had similar brain injuries and strokes, is that I don't avoid the things that are hard for me. When something proves to be challenging I have always acknowledged that and taken a deep breath and tried to improve. To maybe think about why it is hard and trust that I can improve. This is the exact same approach that I have taken with anxiety and stress. Acknowledge it, taken a breath, trust I can do it. Even if it is with help.
In the present moment there is only what is. You acknowledge it and release the control. This is the secret to liberation. Our minds and the stories we weave and tell ourselves are what make us miserable. Release that and the suffering disappears. It is only what is. This is what this mantra reminds me. This is temporary, it will pass, this moment is only a moment. I have survived every moment before this and those are pretty good statistics.
Om Namo Narayanaya
I bow to the ultimate reality, Narayanaya. I bow to the present moment. To my preservation which happens only now.
All I need in this moment is this breath and the next.
You can listen to me chant this mantra 108 times here.
Comments