My meditation practice often includes mantra, and on Monday it was dedicated to Kali.
Kali is the the goddess of destruction, dissolution and ecstasy (I know, those three together surprised me too!). She almost always referred to as Mah Kali, one of the divine mothers and she eats the things that no longer serve you when you offer them up to her. I did my 108 repetitions holding a place in my mind and heart for the things about me that I don't love. Things that keep me from being my best self. Then I got on with my day.
Tuesday rolls around. I am grumpy, short tempered, especially with people on social media. I am frustrated with the people who haven't gotten the vaccine, who still post things about its safety, I annoyed but the tone of people regarding the federal election and their polarizing views with no nuance or balance. More than any of this I am convinced I am correct. I am so sure of my "rightness". I feel for the people who are in the hospital right now and can't have family come to see them. I know how my parents and my husband were my life line. I think of kids I used to work with who would likely die from covid, and desperately want to protect them. I wan life to return to the way it was before. I was angry, frustrated and indignant in my "rightness".
Then I read a post that said something like "the people you know who haven't gotten the vaccine are afraid. They are afraid of the lack of testing, they are afraid of being ostracized, they are afraid of being sick, they are afraid of the economy collapsing... they are afraid."
Right.
I love math and science, I have a strong grasp of each of these. When the vaccine was released I read about how they came up with it, how it works, and how they got it approved so quickly. I urge you to do some reading into these things if you don't know about them, and to watch what sources you are getting it from. So I was confident in getting the vaccine. I am pretty careful in where I get my information from and try to be aware of all the biases that come along with it. My confidence in my "rightness" made me forget compassion. It got me in a place where I couldn't put myself in the place of the other side and imagine how that feels.
It is easy to have compassion and understanding for the people who have the same views as you. The real work begins when you meet and accept people right where they are with no expectations. This was what I was reminded of this week. This is the part of me I am offering up to Kali to release. My own judgments, my own certainty in my correctness. To help me see the common humanity in those who have differing beliefs, differing views and opinions. Something that is missing in our culture lately.
The work doesn't end. Always refining. Always moving forward towards a better version of myself. This is what we offer the world. To become better versions, the best version of ourselves. Grace.
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