I really like to have a plan. If you know me, or if you have had to travel with me, you know this is true. God bless my poor husband. He keeps taking me on holidays and he hasn't killed me yet. A few years ago he had just finished rebuilding his 1964 Ford Galaxie. I didn't trust it. At all. He wanted to go for a road trip but he knew what my reaction would be. So first we just went to Cranbrook to see his dad. No problems with the car there, so we went to Coeur D'Alene in Idaho. Still good. So then he said lets just go to Portland or Seattle, so we drove through Portland to the Oregon coast. And then to San Fransico. And then Los Angeles. Each day I trusted the car a bit more and as long as I knew we had a hotel waiting for us the next night I was okay, and I was having fun (he had planned this all from the beginning, he's so sneaky). That trip taught me about letting go, more than any other experience I've had.
My husband is more than happy to just let things happen. He is excited to go new places, and he can fall asleep at the drop of a hat. He said it is because he has a guiltless conscious. I think it is more that he doesn't hold on to things. For the most part he is able to let go of what has happened during his day, and doesn't sit and ruminate about what is happening next or plan for the things he needs to do. He lets it go. I used to lie awake at night for hours thinking of the things I needed to do the next day, reimagining conversations I had had (writing myself a better script), going over so many things in my head. I couldn't sleep because I was hanging on to all those thoughts so tightly.
You can't let go if you are hanging on.
If you are reliving your past how can you make room for your future?
Expectations of how things will be keep you from truly experiencing things the way they are.
This is aparigraha. Non-attachement or non-possessiveness. When we spend our time and energy in our life holding on to thoughts, emotions, perceptions, belongings and expectations, the more stuck and trapped we become. All of those "things" take up space in our minds and hold us captive.
So what in your life are you hanging on to? Is it the idea that you can't do something? Is your material possessions? Is it mistakes you think you've made? What can you try to let go of? For me recently it has definitely been trying to let go of my expectations. Of what my day is going to be like, what I expect of others, or what I expect of myself. When I catch myself saying things like "today is going to be a rough day, I'm tried" I've been trying to stop and replace it with something like "I will enjoy and notice small moments of joy and laughter". "I hate how fat my legs are" has become "I have strong thighs and calves from yoga and running" which is much closer to truth. I have given up reliving conversations in my head, which used to be a huge pastime for me.
And you know what? I fall asleep almost as fast as my husband now.
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