I have been making a point of how I talk about feelings and emotions lately, and how we describe them. That idea that some feelings are "good" and some are "bad". I prefer some are pleasant and some are unpleasant. They all have a reason for showing up for us. This meditation below helps your identify those emotions and feelings in your body.
This has become important to me since my brain injury. Anxiety shows up for me a lot, when it doesn't really need to. The best way I have of explaining it is that when I had my brain bleed the blood and craniotomy messed up all the infrastructure in my brain. The roads and pipes and sewers that transmitted and received my neurotransmitters, which send the feelings around, got all messed up. So things ended up in the wrong places, as a result when I should feel excited (which is generally a pleasant feeling) I usually end up feeling anxious. When I should feel tired, I feel anxious. When I should feel slightly alerted, I feel anxious. You get the picture. When I first did a similar meditation to this one about 6 weeks ago, it actually changed my life. Not joking.
In this mediation it asks you to think of a time you felt (blank) and what purpose does that feeling serve. It also asks you to maybe visualize things, which is something I have a difficult time doing, but I can see how it would be helpful for others, so I left it in. Understanding my my anxiety has a useful purpose, like making me aware of potential threats, showed me that my brain was feeling threatened and was just trying to keep me safe. Recognizing that and accepting it, has changed things for me. Now when anxiety pops up for me unexpectedly I can logically look at what is happening in the moment and know if I am safe or not. I can understand that I am not threatened. So I thank my brain for trying to keep me safe and tell it there is nothing to worry about right now. This is in stark contrast to the first little while I was home from the hospital and would look for what possible reasons I had to be anxious about. The equivalent to pouring gasoline on the fire. Only did that once. My next way of handling it was to kind of ignore it and focus on my breathing, or the other things happening around me. The list 10 things you can see, 10 things you can touch, 10 things you can smell... that sort of technique. This stopped the panic but the anxious feeling would still be there . Ignoring the fire I suppose to continue the previous analogy. This was ok. But I still hate feeling anxious. Then I did this mediation. Understanding that something in me somewhere was feeling threatened somehow and was just trying to keep me safe changed things. This was my body's way of looking out for me. So now I thank it for keeping me safe, and think of a time that felt safe. This really helps stop the anxious feelings.
We have more control over our thoughts and feelings than we think we do. When you think of something your brain releases the same chemicals it would if you were experiencing it. And the chemicals make you think of things that make you feel that way. It is a feed back loop. We have the ability to break that loop. Change what you are doing, refocus your thoughts, do something you enjoy...
More than that. Our emotions serve a purpose. Worry and anxiety is to keep us safe. Crying releases stress hormones and toxins. Pushing sadness away because you don't like the feeling only makes it worse. It is okay to box it and put it on the shelf for a bit, because there is a time and place for it (crying uncontrollably in the produce section at the grocery store isn't the best idea). But make sure that you make a time that you will return to unpack that box. Schedule it. Seriously. I am alone or with someone safe next Thursday at 1, I am going to sit down and feel all this. In yoga philosophy this is saucha, cleanliness but more than that. Dealing with your "stuff". And just because you have dealt with something once does not mean you will not have to sit in that place again. For the same reason. There might be more. I have sat and grieved the loss of my old life so many times. Not is a self-pity, woe is me, kind of way. But acknowledging that in the moment I am sad, sad about not working, not fulfilling some of the dreams I had, sad for my loss of independence. And I don't think that will end for awhile. That's okay. Because each time it is a bit easier. Less intense. And I know that it is serving its purpose.
So thank all those feelings, the ones that make you grateful, that make you understand yourself, the ones that keep you safe... they all have a reason. Neither good nor bad, they just are.
This mediation does ask you to think of a time you felt sad and anxious. So if you think that might not be right for you, then don't do it.
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