I was so good the last couple months getting this done before the beginning of the month. This time I came down with a head cold last week and couldn't get through chanting without coughing! Feeling better today so getting this done!
I almost always chant to Shiva in the month of December, Shiva is the sestroyer, the third of the big three gods. Brahma the creator and Vishnu the preserver being the other two. Shiva is the one you chant to to let things go, to move to a new part of your life, to bring closure. For me right now it means noticing old patterns of behaviour that I don't want to continue. The yoga sutras refer to these as samskaras. Patterns in how you react to situations based on your past. Often they are formed when we are children to keep us safe (in our minds anyway) and we carrying them into adulthood. The best way I find to think of them is as wheel ruts in wet heavy snow or mud. They pull you into the path most travelled. Sometimes maybe into a ditch.
Let me give your an example; when I was a kid I was sometimes be punished for half assing a job by watching my parents do it over again. Also if I was doing nothing when everyone else was busy working around the house, I got in trouble. Both logical lessons for a kids to learn from. But the pattern that formed for me was if someone is doing something that I could be doing or I feel like I should have done, OR if they are working hard while I want to do nothing, I feel ill at ease. Like I let them down, they think I am lazy, I don't do a good enough job... Many of these old patterns I am quite aware of. I don't blame my parents, because they just happen to all of us. It is part of being a human. So what happens is this; something happens like my husband decides he is going to cook supper. His thought: "Erin cooks all the time, I will cook for her tonight". My thought: "I didn't start dinner early enought and I let Ian down and he is mad at me." This happeneed literally last night. Then I don't know if I should help, stay out of the way... do something completely different. Ugh. It is hard to be me.
Ian and I have talked a lot about our old patterns and we are both aware of many of our own and each others wheel ruts. More than once we have been known to push the others buttons with a smile and and a hug. Just burning through the old samskaras. Where I am at now is that I notice the tug at the wheel as I hit the rut. The feeling comes up. But I cane notice the thoughts and story start and I can try to pause. To reframe. To clarify. It takes longer than I like for the feeling to disappear too, but it I do my best. Decemeber especially with the lead up to the holidays this seems like a very timely practice. To release our old patterns and beliefs around how the holidasy should look, to notice our expectations and the expectations of others. Allow space to notice the reaction but choose the behaviour and release the old patterns. It is definitely a practice not a perfect.
Om Namah Shiyaya
I bow to the name of Lord Shiva. You can hear me chant it here 108 times.
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